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Monday, September 26, 2011

Snap Shot: Winter Classic Press Conference Is The Definition of Old News

Today's press spectacle from Citizen's Bank Park helped set a new standard in spoiled announcements. This news is so old it's claiming newsfeed social security. It's the Larry King of headlines. It's turned into solid stone fact after extreme overexposure to common knowledge. It's like that six foot foreign "kid" in every Little League World Series with no legitimate birth certificate but somehow he's rocking a formidable mustache. You're not news, Winter Classic Press Conference. You're not even passable. You look nothing like news. You brought us nothing we didn't know. You're so non-news, this article didn't even pass the Bar(stool exam of pertinence) today. Even the Nets getting renamed the Nets was deemed newsworthy today! You embarrassed me, Winter Classic Press Conference. OK? Did you know that? Alright. Now that's enough of the tough love. Let's kiss, make up and move on...

Since it was first reported, the January 2nd match up has been confirmed in almost every way with the exception of an actual league announcement. Knock-off jerseys started selling online months ago, HBO cameras are already following around the two teams in training camp and the official season schedule release left little else to guess about. Well, now it's been made official - the New York Rangers will play the Philadelphia Flyers in the 2012 Bridgestone Winter Classic. Hell freaking yes, I say. I say screw the Flyers and those know-it-all Mayans. Bring on 2012 eh es eh pee. If we make good on Glen Sather's "guarantee" of a Cup championship this season, I'll be happy with the predicted end of the world. "NOW I CAN DIE IN PEACE", we'll all say.

But back to the subject, pumped doesn't even begin to describe my New Years game excitement. Let's get one thing clear - I don't want to go. I need to go. I am going. I'm already there son. It's a fact of my future certain as death. So if you somehow find yourself with an extra ticket, your first thought should be to contact me. I'm being dead serious. Holla atchya blueshirt boy! After all, who wouldn't want GQ's Hottest Hockey Blogger Under 25 as their Winter Classic wing man?

The seasonal festivities kick off on December 14th with HBO's priceless 24/7 show and won't stop until the series ceases on January 4th. In the middle you've got the alumni game, the classic itself and everything that comes with being part of the outdoor fiesta. It's a good thing I've still got limbs to spare because these freaking tickets are going to cost me at least an arm and a leg. Excuse me while I go start writing letters to Santa and loosening up my jaw.


PS - Between Glen Sather gauranteeing a Ranger Stanley Cup AND a Yankee World Series, last night's preseason penalty orgy and Wayne "Banana Grabber" Simmonds calling Sean "PSA" Avery a fagel, yesterday certainly set the tone for one hell of a heated Winter Classic. Sweet retro logo, Philadelphia. Looks like you really swung for the fences on that one...

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