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Monday, December 6, 2010

12/5/10 - Observations From A Rangers Game

Gotta love birthdays! If it weren’t for those annual celebrations and their gift giving traditions, I would never be able to watch the Rangers in person without spending two month’s salary. Thanks to this year’s edition, I was off to see the blueshirts battle the Ottawa Senators in what I thought would surely be a Rangers win. Thanks Mom and Dad!

Well, they lost. BUMMAH! Here are some observations from my first Rangers game of the season.

- My girlfriend Courtney and I arrive half an hour before the game. We both head for the bathrooms. The men’s room is relatively empty, except for a grimy looking, six foot five monster who appears to be using the sink to bathe himself. Only in New York.

- The only thing more ridiculous than watching Derek Boogaard try and play hockey is John Amarante’s hair piece.

- $10 for a freakin’ beer?! Shit is expensive!!

- Brandon Prust and Brian Boyle work harder than anyone else on the ice, and John Tortorella knows it.

- 8 year old kids are really annoying. Even your dad agrees with me. You’re annoying so shut up already and watch the game.

- Ottawa sucks. Screw the Seantors.

- The Rangers have tried to reinvent the wheel when it comes to the “We’re #1” foam hand. All I can say is that looks like a molestation charge waiting to happen.

- The Rangers Heritage jersey looks awesome, on the ice and on the average joe. Now if only it didn’t cost me $300 to own one…

- I am supremely jealous of the mini mites that get to skate on the ice inbetween periods. I am less jealous of the kids that get to ride on the zamboni in between periods because they have to wave to the crowd for literally eight minutes straight, but still jealous either way.

- Nothing ruins a visit to MSG like sitting in front of the only 5 Senators fans in the stadium. Hey buddy, stop shouting at all the players like they’re your next door neighbors. They don’t know you, they can’t hear you, so leave “Alfie”, “Spez” and “Pascal” alone for a minute so I can enjoy the game without your Canadian commentary, thanks.

- Alexi Kovalev is a shell of his former self. Thanks for the memories Alex, but I wouldn't even put you on my fantasy bench. It's time to retire.

- How did a third rate player like Chris Kelly manage to score a hat trick? He got half his total season goals in the one game, for Christ’s sake!

- Frolov has infected Anisimov with the deadly Russian disease, “Suckalitis”. As of this posting, the cure is still unknown.

- The Rangers are now 0 for 2 when wearing their new Heritage jerseys. Considering that the Rangers’ heritage is built on losing, this makes perfect sense.

Well, there you have it. Observations from a Rangers game brought to you by ’94 Parade. Thanks again for reading! Be sure to pass this blog on to any friends or fellow fans you may know, as that would make my holiday season. Once again, I’ll leave you all with another edition of Rangers Haikus. This one is called, “What’s With All These Home and Homes, Holmes?”

Revenge is a dish
Best served this coming Thursday
Ottawa sucks ass


  1. $10 for a beer but you get an awesome, dishwasher safe, cup to take home with every purchase.
    The hulk hand is awkward but strangely enough not the only team doing it. And let's face it, you probably bought one.
    And I will tell you the same thing that I will tell everyone else, these hertiage jerseys are pretty fantastic and will be retired shortly. After they are gone it will be even more expensive. It's an investment!!
    If you won't pay the $300 for the jersey, it's $400 to be a little mite. But you do get to spend quality time at the training center.

    I really can't tell if you had fun at the game kiddddd

  2. Of course I did! Wish the Rangers won though, but I always have fun at games! Nothing like being at the Garden and watching great hockey.

    Oh and by the way, i did not purchase a giant #1 hulk hand. Though it would have given me endless pleasure to poke and prod people with that thing, it still wasn't worth $30.

    And as for the third jersey, I'll wait to see what they come out with for the winter classic we'll never get...