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Saturday, October 16, 2010

Yankees On Ice: All-Time All-Star Switch Up Team

Welcome back Paraders! Hope you all enjoyed the week since my last post.

Sure! What’s not to enjoy about a week where your team blows a lead because they enjoy climbing out of self dug holes and loses their best offensive weapon all in the same period? Oh, yeah, and Drury’s injured.

To top it all off, we only get one Rangers game since their Monday afternoon bout with the Islanders. Is this a joke? Is this the NFL? I’m used to the Rangers having a nine point lead in the division at this point simply because they’d played nine more games than anyone else. Then again, I’m used to the Rangers blowing said lead and hovering around the 10 spot for the remainder of the season, so I’ll just see where this road takes us before I freak out four games in.

Last week I delved into the differences between basketball and hockey. As fun as it was, I quickly realized that no one in New York cares about the Knicks right now. They didn’t get LeBron and until they sign four super ridiculous all-stars they won’t have a chance in the modern NBA. New Yorkers care about one thing this time of year, The Yankees.

It’s easy to see why. 27 Championships. Always contenders, The Yankees are a legendary team whose brand is recognized throughout the world, thanks to Jay Z of course. Watching the Yankees win over and over again is a painful process for the Rangers. In the kingdom of New York sports, Yankees are king and the Rangers their chef. It leaves Rangers fans not totally into baseball wondering, “Why can’t the blueshirts be this dominant?”

Well, I wondered the same thing! So I thought I’d lay down my All-Time All-Star Yankees-Rangers Switch Up Team.

The Yankees On Ice All-Star Team:

Left Wing: Lou Gerhig.

Lou is an obvious choice for The Rangers here. Known for his durability, longevity and clutch post season performances, Gerhig would bring a lot to the team. Plus, I’m told he’s known for his hitting, and the Rangers can always use more of that.

Center: Derek Jeter.
Jeter would make a great center. He’s always ready to start things off and as the leader of the modern Yankees, he’s a must-have for this team. Despite his lack of physical prowess, Derek would certainly be a menace on the ice. Can’t you imagine him threading passes on the power play for goal after goal? And of course, average female attendance will go up significantly.

Right Wing: Joe Dimaggio.
You know you need some Jumpin’ on this team! Joe would have made a great hockey player. His versatility and leadership is what the Rangers usually lack. Of course, he was very confrontational about his salary expectations, and we are living in a cap era after all. Either way, I make him my All-Time Yankee/Ranger All-Star right wing without any hesitation. Marilyn Monroe helps too.

Right Defense: Mariano Rivera.
Rivera is the ultimate defensive player. When the game is on the line and you can’t give up any more goals, Mariano is the guy you want on the ice. He’s a simple choice for starting D, and would most likely be the first Panamanian to ever play a game of hockey.

Left Defense: Lefty Gomez.
Vernon Louis Gomez would be like the Chris Chelios of this team; the aging veteran who adapts his style to still get the job done. Lefty was known as a great post season pitcher, so I have a feeling he would have been a clutch hockey player with a hell of a slap shot. And right off the bat, he’d be the best Gomez to ever play for the Rangers.

Goalie: Babe Ruth.
The Babe was a natural hockey goalie; a very big man who wouldn’t have wanted to skate too much. He was the Colossus of Clout on the baseball field, but for the Rangers he’d be the Colossus of the Crease. But with that water bottle right on the top of his net like that, he might be tempted to spike it and sip the game away.

Head Coach:
Mike Keenan.
If there’s anyone that can lead these baseball boys to a championship on ice, it’s Mike Keenan. The mastermind of ’94, Mike is a prolific coach who demands success from his players, so naturally he’s going to fill his entire team with Yankees.

Assistant Coach:
Joe Girardi.
Metal Mouth Joe would make a great assistant coach. His ability to connect with the players and his understanding of their talents makes him a great addition to Mike Keenan’s bench. Plus, he’ll be the one who can listen to all the players complain about how they don’t like all the physical contact and their skates are too tight.

Well, that’s it for this edition of ’94 Parade. If you like what you’re reading, pass the site along to any friends or fellow Rangers fans who like hockey and laughing. We’ve got some big, important games this week so hopefully the team can step it up and play like the Yankees would, if they knew how to skate of course.

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